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Matthew Inman @Oatmeal Seattle, Washington

I make comics.

349 Following   493,194 Followers   5,639 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/13/07

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Currently writing/drawing the instructions for @gameofkittens. This version did not make the cut. http://t.co/FZNev4Lx7x
5/26
2015
I wanna find a lady who is cool with me pouring a bucket o' Gatorade on her head after we finish #coitus
5/25
2015
.@InnerPartisan that literally looks like goblin diarrhea. Also, this: http://t.co/mfzPz12kNZHow to tell if something actually sucks http://t.co/VGvI02iMzf
5/24
2015
.@DangeRussWilson http://t.co/YYvLvuJPf4@chromesthesia We tried making plush Blerches but wound up doing these little squishy balls instead: http://t.co/7FqawStGalIf you can't make it to our races but still want to participate, we can ship you a race kit http://t.co/vT3rUVdWIM http://t.co/D3Tfom1ziXRegistration for Beat The Blerch East is now open http://t.co/P00JLHLbgR http://t.co/c2TrVCg6F6
5/22
2015
My career in standup http://t.co/AgWqepsUR3THINGS I KNOW: I am very good at getting drunk and very bad at being drunk. http://t.co/xTJlVofOKDSome thoughts on dogs, Nazis, and horses http://t.co/rnoF76L3pw http://t.co/69CFTFtgs5Did you know? All the race photos from the 2015 Beat the Blerch races will be FREE! http://t.co/WfOORH3vJF http://t.co/41wY2j5mUh
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
5/21
2015
Reason #5,927 why I love my dog http://t.co/HAcVc1w0x3@ClickHole I really wanna contribute an article/comic to your website. How can I go about doing that?
5/19
2015
Hacked the interface on my Apple Watch. It is currently half past five. http://t.co/tvQHiXKfyB
5/16
2015
What would Do Draper do? A flowchart. http://t.co/pwKc8Urrya http://t.co/K5T9zaacZn
5/15
2015
Just got my Apple Watch. LOVING how easy it is to share pics w/ friends and family! http://t.co/MBG4mkURYs
5/14
2015
Citizens of NYC: Beat The Blerch is having a race 1 hour from your city this fall http://t.co/IEeJNTwfno http://t.co/2n5kByVU5c@ModelAyshaMirza just Sunday. The Saturday race is still onVerizon buys AOL. This comes to mind: http://t.co/jGiXbFc5Ww http://t.co/YHF8ee6dokJibbers Crabst shirts are now available http://t.co/FJeLU7OPyi http://t.co/d7y9qBBhARDear #ladies I am wearing my favorite suit who would like to #makelove to me https://t.co/k01m7T3uit http://t.co/9AEjxEhKYSSex Ed http://t.co/o2qJdLwj6N
5/13
2015
How to use a semicolon http://t.co/TOinEiH2Y2 http://t.co/CTe7M0uYPl
5/11
2015
Truth. http://t.co/GMUoCP64PnIf my dogs were a pair of middle-aged men http://t.co/YDKQttcOpi http://t.co/l7YQKANS2Q
5/5
2015
#MayThe4thBeWithYou http://t.co/Jck9lUjw14
5/4
2015
Hey, wake up. http://t.co/adCka99m8Q
5/3
2015
FACT: Apple Touch ID does not work with penis(es)#helloladies http://t.co/IZxkX9RCdsFaith http://t.co/M8OSFx5Kjc
4/30
2015
Evening thoughts. http://t.co/2bWwqZic1YThey should do an episode of Hoarders where they follow a squirrel around and make judgmental remarks about his lifestyle
4/27
2015
This is the most important thing I've spent money on in a long time https://t.co/QRu55pTiLI http://t.co/slm0wCVTm7
4/26
2015
Who is a penguin's favorite relative? HIS AUNT ARCTICA. I SAID HIS AUNT ARTICA. IS THIS THING ON?Happy #WorldPenguinDay http://t.co/Kdt2BBHvUb
Retweeted by Matthew Inman#xenomorphjokes http://t.co/EhevKE7aZMhttp://t.co/M9OD2KdeTh http://t.co/B7dSngUGZPHow to play airplane peekaboo http://t.co/8chlBWGtVp#amazing #bread #pics #amazing http://t.co/2ijEUYyPOL
4/25
2015
Turbulence http://t.co/mFzwsiPIN0Can't argue with The @Oatmeal's logic! Texting & driving is #unbearable. Thanks to @peterbearse for the find. https://t.co/1Phba5GAHf
Retweeted by Matthew InmanThat last tweet I got from @GlennF at some point. At least I think it was Glenn. Good job, Glenn. I think.How to get a pedantic, tone-deaf reply to a joke on Twitter: Make any joke on Twitter..@MatthewKeysLive You must be a real hit at parties.TEENS: It's ok to text and drive! Provided your car is stopped, parked in the middle of nowhere, and surrounded by bears.An oldie but a goodie: the 10 types of crappy interviewees http://t.co/Lgqk8N7j8y http://t.co/r40kyZ3O2g
4/24
2015
PARENTS TAKE NOTE: the last time a doctor poked me in the butt with a needle I renounced God. PROOF that vaccines are linked to atheism
4/23
2015
I'm a mantis shrimp! What's your Earth Day #GoogleDoodle quiz animal? https://t.co/RZUTEcNdkg #winning cc @Oatmeal http://t.co/peei6irNwp
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
4/22
2015
Reminder: We added a 5k option to the Sacramento @BeatTheBlerch and registration opens up tomorrow at 9am. http://t.co/P00JLHLbgRHeads up: there are only 70 spots left in our Saturday Beat The Blerch race in Carnation: http://t.co/P00JLHLbgR
4/16
2015
2015 registration for the Morristown, NJ race is now OPEN! Saturday race: https://t.co/maaddNzmzq Sunday race: https://t.co/V6MfZwAoJz
Retweeted by Matthew InmanThe locker room http://t.co/bscwk5aTAAREMINDER: today at noon EDT registration opens up for @BeatTheBlerch East http://t.co/IoWy8eDsZA http://t.co/RGZOIyMxIh
4/15
2015
EAST COAST: Tomorrow at noon EDT, we're opening up registration for our @BeatTheBlerch 10k/half/full in Morristown http://t.co/eFW0MeqqapSpaceX is streaming a live HD broadcast of their Falcon 9 rocket and yet I still can’t watch a fucking football game on the internet
4/14
2015
The DOs and DO NOTs of running your first marathon http://t.co/ggFbtV4BEX http://t.co/kQWNYbNm4kBeat the Blerch virtual race kits are on sale now! Run the race anywhere you want. http://t.co/0Rbe5tyx2T http://t.co/DSIETsfxXU
Retweeted by Matthew Inman@ILOVECOFFEEjp is having a book signing this Tuesday at our Greenlake cafe! Come visit and meet the author! http://t.co/6iuay6UClQ
Retweeted by Matthew InmanRegistration for Beat The Blerch 2015 is now open http://t.co/IoWy8eDsZA http://t.co/BfQUpE19QfDangit. We crashed EventBrite for @BeatTheBlerch registration. it’s not completely down at this point, just loading super slowly.2015 registration for the Carnation, WA race is now OPEN! Saturday race: https://t.co/MBUl6SU8Pt Sunday race: http://t.co/hb4oqKG1zU
Retweeted by Matthew InmanGET YOUR CURSORS READY: Registration for the Carnation, WA race opens up at 9am today.
Retweeted by Matthew InmanRegistration for @BeatTheBlerch opens up at 9am today. Sasquatch & couches included. http://t.co/P00JLHLbgR http://t.co/4p6h6YEA4R
4/13
2015
REMINDER: Registration for Beat The Blerch 2015 opens up tomorrow at 9am PST. http://t.co/P00JLHLbgR http://t.co/KQCxfCWNIo
4/12
2015
We also have a ton more @gameofkittens play-tests happening all over the world. Full list here: http://t.co/2kxHO9sAmQSEATTLE: Wanna play Exploding Kittens? Play tomorrow in the Columbia tower for charity: http://t.co/PnaqWMlwmI http://t.co/vTamXZfziqEllo and Myspace walk into a bar. Bartender says LOL I remember u.
4/10
2015
The cake is ready: @BeatTheBlerch is coming to the East Coast and Sacramento! http://t.co/IoWy8eDsZA http://t.co/Vb8w2ywlbgBeat The Blerch is coming to the East Coast and Sacramento! Registration dates announced: http://t.co/nIakBm7fnR http://t.co/oTMnTnNI5T
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
4/8
2015
I helped write and draw a book about coffee, with @ILOVECOFFEEjp and it came out today http://t.co/EYjLpxoZaP http://t.co/7ki7Mrh5mtThe best time to drink coffee, according to SCIENCE: http://t.co/UUmCeudZO3 http://t.co/QlanOXq7JE
4/7
2015
Happy Easter! http://t.co/ACuajqy4JL
4/5
2015
@BAHFest WHATLadies call me Amazon Prime because I’m cheap and my package always comes way too earlyI'll have a whiskey http://t.co/PLsuzQPKIU
4/3
2015
@PhilJamesson You got it. Twitter handle has been addedSo true. #inspired http://t.co/NbnyQtX4ng.@PhilJamesson One of our readers suggested I cartoon your cat/rum tweet. Hope you don’t mind I took the liberty: http://t.co/bf4K2wLUKGCOMIC: I'll have a whiskey http://t.co/bf4K2wLUKG http://t.co/FfhCOtlzT2
4/2
2015
It is 63F in Antarctica today. I'm not worried though because thermometers are a bunch of Obamacare-loving lesbians with liberal agendas.
3/31
2015
Hey bro, are you a flower? http://t.co/fRG7LfErBU http://t.co/tVdjN3o2KHBonus panel here and there are #somebutts http://t.co/3hgn7Y7VNcHow I like to greet others http://t.co/HLg1bIyPtF
3/30
2015
I'm at #ECCC in booth 202. There are rules. http://t.co/mvyGerSptq
3/28
2015
On the 7th day God made peanut butter & then he said holy fuck this is good I'm done making new shit I'm just gonna sit down & chew quietly
3/27
2015
@Megan_Sass think of the doorknobs, Megan http://t.co/zCyDkamPTPI'll be at Emerald City Comic-Con in booth number 202. Stop by and say hi. I am even wearing my party pants. http://t.co/KY98R9GWxWThat last image was from "The terrible & wonderful reasons why I run long distances." http://t.co/iFJKf5YujLI choose not to combat my monsters http://t.co/NEqCARRTuA#tbt I loved @Oatmeal's "The Terrible And Wonderful Reasons Why I Run." If you're a runner, buy this book. Seriously. http://t.co/RPo6YsL3hn
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
3/26
2015
@wilw I love the “the loud motor is for safety!” argument. If motorcyclists want to warn us, they should play fucking ice cream truck musicThat last tweet brought to you by the city streets of Los Angeles.“That dude on a loud motorcycle sounds fuckin' AWESOME and not at all like an attention-seeking shitbag” -that dude on a loud motorcycle"He heard us talking about wanting to play the new 'exploding kittens' game soon." via http://t.co/KUx3TEApYf http://t.co/hLwDfJzvEN
Retweeted by Matthew InmanThis time next week, hundreds of free copies of #ExplodingKittens will be in the mail! https://t.co/5jjLmQatpI http://t.co/UumhvXUzRI
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
3/24
2015
Happy #NationalPuppyDay http://t.co/DDnbDen7Cl http://t.co/OVYtEhAJQP
3/23
2015
.@thinkgeek My version is more accurate http://t.co/GMRzRs63ud@SYSKPodcast I will bring a domesticated mantis shrimp as a peace offering@SYSKPodcast hey, I'm a big fan and would love to meet you two when you're in Seattle next month
3/19
2015
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