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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

39,128 Following   38,397,333 Followers   9,893 Tweets

Join Twitter 8/14/08

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Happy #YoureWelcomeWednesday http://t.co/BwNHvZKfVFI’m grateful to this family for all they’ve done for equality in Alabama. Now it’s time to help them. http://t.co/479losY4tD.@Usher and @OctaviaSpencer made a wonderful team in one of the most memorable rounds of Heads Up! we’ve ever played. http://t.co/F9hs7CtIncMeet Ellie DeSpaniel and Portia de Chihuahua. They need a home together. http://t.co/oZ07TrbR6J http://t.co/YEMJVIC7pP
Here’s my first-ever #RiddleMeTuesday! Give this a shot. The answer is right here: http://t.co/mmjCGnWrHX http://t.co/x7VYjGWS2WMy staff is always there for me. Especially if I need them to look ridiculous on national television. http://t.co/xqBVlmZZHnI love @Kiesza. http://t.co/kH913PQ2OWTinder was down for 40 minutes this morning. It’s goin’ down. They’re yellin’ “Tinder!”
That’s episode 1! I can’t wait for you to see what happens. Ep 2 is great and I have a BIG part in ep 3. Stay tuned! #EllenDesignOnHGTV@TheEllenShow I liked the first one that came out. The white desk. She did an amazing job. #EllenDesignOnHGTV
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresIf you were going to buy one of those pieces, which would it be? #EllenDesignOnHGTVIf she doesn’t win the challenge, at least she found Karl. #EllenDesignOnHGTVUh-oh. I hope that wasn’t the walnut. Maybe it was just a bone. Fingers crossed. #EllenDesignOnHGTVI get all my best ideas at 3 a.m. That’s when I came up with the idea for edible Tupperware. #EllenDesignOnHGTVIt took me forever to wrap all of those giant boxes. I kept cutting pieces that were just an inch too short. #EllenDesignOnHGTVI’m surprised none of the carpenters were from Carpinteria. #EllenDesignOnHGTVI have a mantra, too. It’s “lather, rinse, repeat.” #EllenDesignOnHGTVThat’s my house! Fun fact – I didn’t design any of the furniture, but I did carve that stone wall behind me. #EllenDesignOnHGTVThe @VP surprised me on my show today. Of the United States. Of America. Seriously. http://t.co/Wnzlf29ZJjThere’s a blizzard coming! Stay safe and warm, and if you get any great photos of it, I wanna see ‘em! http://t.co/3NjAwjya1gMy new furniture design competition show premieres tonight! I’ll be watching and tweeting. 9pm EST on HGTV! #EllenDesignOnHGTVFor my birthday Mercedes gave me 2 cars to give away & the 1st look at their Super Bowl commercial #LaughDancePartner http://t.co/9e4LMeApvyIt’s a special day. My Ellen underwear is 25% off! It’s also my birthday. But nothing beats a deal on boxer briefs. http://t.co/LttXouPZGy.@KeithUrban played me a special version of his new song. Happy birthday to me. http://t.co/Ke0cF9E6jRIt's my birthday! It's a national holiday in Australia. Not in the US. But I'm sure someone's working on it. @BarackObama @CIA @Oprah
My last sunset of 56 with my favorite person. http://t.co/qpjREYdkCh
Lose weight, feel healthy, and best of all, live with compassion. That's what my friend Dr Barnard & the LATimes say. http://t.co/5Xiw13aBlo
Monday's my birthday! I’m celebrating all week long. I don't know why I didn’t think of this sooner. Next year, I’m gonna do a whole month.Why couldn’t the pirate remember the alphabet? He always got lost at C. #ClassicJokeFridayThis weekend we're going to a nude beach RT @GwynethPaltrow A little game of never have I ever #Mortdecai http://t.co/RMuL5SBJzDWhy is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands. #ClassicJokeFriday
.@SamHuntMusic gave an incredible performance. He also signed a football for me. Who wants it? http://t.co/BQ5dNL98lh http://t.co/t38Tes8PFKPeople were so shocked by #DeflateGate that the NFL has taken out a blimp to apologize. http://t.co/VMGA8ablULScrunchies and Crystal Pepsi #ExplainThe90sIn4WordsHappy #ThrowbackThursday http://t.co/l4n1pjNU0FI can’t stop thinking about this father. I wish all parents could be like this. http://t.co/aCoQm4HpORHey @KerryWashington, any upcoming story lines about a beloved talk show host who’s a great dancer? #AskScandalNever have I ever played “Never Have I Ever” with Johnny Depp, @GwynethPaltrow and @Paul_Bettany. Until today. http://t.co/RMuL5SBJzD
It looks like @JustinBieber has some competition in the underwear department. http://t.co/n8pSMahZ27Happy #YoureWelcomeWednesday http://t.co/legId3OC9EIt’s #NationalHugDay! That explains why the UPS guy gave me that big hug this morning. It still doesn’t explain the slow dancing.I asked my PA Ari to review some current films for me. I give this segment 2 thumbs way up. http://t.co/z5FOVCPwRr
Tonight is the #SOTU from the POTUS. I’m going to eat some TOFU and watch it on HULU.Just in case. Because this is one you don’t want to miss. http://t.co/8RDAYsWwOBColin Farrell explains his support for marriage equality in a beautiful way. I couldn’t have said it better myself. http://t.co/dWt9hIWrghI used Apple Pay for the 1st time! I grabbed a Beats speaker & waved my phone at a security cam on my way out. (That’s how it works, right?)Y’all come back now, y’hear? RT @FLAGALine: Y'all make sure to catch us on @TheEllenShow today! Check your local listings for times.I scared Jennifer Lopez. She shook like a bowl of @JLo. http://t.co/SSo7ie8GnK
1 week 'til my design show premieres on HGTV! Check out the competitors. Who do ya think will win? #EllenDesignOnHGTV http://t.co/EuKnTjGFJpOnly 1 thing I want for my birthday show - for you to be there! Enter to win. http://t.co/o8J8p9kWMM I’d also like a talking baby dolphin.Where do my cats sit? #FiveWordsToRuinAJobInterviewWhat Nicole did for her students is incredible. I’m glad my partner @Target could do something incredible for her. http://t.co/RIkcJIzcHi#MLKDay #BeKind http://t.co/hkJi6PXHij
My @Packers played incredibly well, and @AaronRodgers12 just went from hero to legend. #GBvsSEASo THAT'S why they won RT @prattprattpratt: Hey Ellen, I'm with your boy @macklemore & we just witnessed a miracle! http://t.co/IkfftrHx4mCongrats to the @Seahawks on one of the most incredible games ever. #GBvsSEAThis is crazy. I can't watch anymore. Someone tweet me when it's over. #GBvsSEA
Happy birthday @IAmSteveHarvey! I polled 100 people and they all agreed you should have a wonderful day.
What do you call a camel with no humps? Humphrey. #ClassicJokeFridayReally surprised what @Oprah did with my gift. http://t.co/pRdMC9qBnbWhat kinds of shoes do plumbers wear? Clogs. #ClassicJokeFriday6-year-old @SuperKaiLanger sings with @BrunoMars. Need I say more? http://t.co/9fOc4NriMJWhat do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. #ClassicJokeFriday
.@RobLowe is on my show tomorrow. That’s right. Shawty got Lowe.Happy #ThrowbackThursday http://t.co/yPIgOGKYKMHappy birthday to my friend, @DrewBrees! You’re not just a Saint. You’re a saint.Big news from @MariahCarey. http://t.co/UsZpB7Zw3RLexi got a puppy for Christmas. Really, it was a gift for all of us. http://t.co/91VnuG4sLs
Benedict Cumberbatch is a man of many talents. Wearing sunglasses is one of them. http://t.co/xzIxLzThlv.@MariahCarey is on my show tomorrow for the first time in almost 5 years and you don’t want to miss her big announcement.“Bleeding Love - Could You Get a Band-Aid?” #50ShadesTrack“I Just Called to Say Our Safe Word” #50ShadesTrackSo - I'm gonna host a new show thanks to @TheEllenShow! http://t.co/M8lVojfcbC
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresHappy #YoureWelcomeWednesday http://t.co/F9Jlid8emTHappy birthday to the wonderful LL Cool J, the incredible Dave Grohl and pretty-good-on-Family-Ties Jason Bateman.Welcome to Twitter, @MelissaMcCarthy! You'll love it. It's perfect for staring at your phone during parties when you're tired of Candy CrushIf you want to know about my hidden agenda - here it is. http://t.co/zl1rYdx5ri
I love this story about @RosasFreshPizza in Philly. Thank you, @Shutterfly for all the dough. #LaughDancePartner http://t.co/n9RS8YvXvYIt’s @OfficialJLD's birthday and Poetry at Work Day! Happy birthday, Julia Louis-Dreyfus! I hope you enjoy it, and don’t get Typhus.Happy birthday, @ShondaRhimes. Thank you for continuing to send me the Scandal scripts ahead of time under the code name “Portia.”.@BrunoMars gave me and my entire audience that Uptown Funk and it was INCREDIBLE. http://t.co/NfA7clh2q9Call a police and a fireman. RT @BrunoMars: Watch @MarkRonson and I Celebrate @TheEllenShow today!Congratulations, @Beyonce! That is a really wonderful sandcastle. http://t.co/aKogAJrrkQ
Heard reports Fireball might be dangerous so I did a test. By “reports” I mean Lauren said it & by “test” I mean this http://t.co/ZvcIaDFeQEI just looked at @JustinBieber’s Calvin Klein photo. Definitely didn’t see any photoshop. http://t.co/HJcQHq7oyuMy furniture show premieres on Jan. 26th! Consider this your Save the Date. Feel free to print it & put it on your fridge #EllenDesignOnHGTVTeaching a child to read is magic. I’m not sure this is how you do it, but it’s definitely adorable. http://t.co/mBRqNNTVC3This morning at Starbucks I asked for a Tall Skinny Blonde and my barista said, “That’s not a real drink, but I see what you did there.”
Congratulations @JeffreyTambor on a beautiful performance and a beautiful speech. #GoldenGIobesIt's been a great night so far. Congrats to Transparent. @HereIsGina, you're wonderful. #GoldenGlobesCongrats to the @Packers for a big win and the @DallasCowboys for playing an incredible game.
Why did the raisin go out with the prune? It couldn't get a date. #ClassicJokeFridayWhat does Thor wear under his shorts? Thunderpants. #ClassicJokeFridayWhy did @Meghan_Trainor go to the aquarium? She's all about that bass. I think you need to hear me tell this one. #ClassicJokeFridayThat was so much fun. You really know your way around a talk show RT @Oprah: Truly had good fun with ellen!! #HeadsUp http://t.co/0Vo7EEzr2M.@Oprah gave me the flu, y'all. http://t.co/9AvCo8iBwbHappy birthday to my cousin Kate Middleton, or as she’s known now, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge! Love, Ellen, Grand Mistress of Twitter
My neighbor, @Oprah's on the show tomorrow. Perhaps you’ve heard of her. http://t.co/EzEqkAopxqHappy #ThrowbackThursday http://t.co/kAzAOoo1sfJennifer Love Hewitt @TheReal_JLH is expecting another baby! Congratulations. I guess I know what you did last summer.
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