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Author of The Girl in the Road. Playwright at @OLittleGreenPig. Traveler, everywhere. Atlantic, VQR, WashPo, Glimmer Train, The Rumpus, The Baffler, WIRED.

274 Following   2,422 Followers   30,568 Tweets

Join Twitter 3/7/11

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@tehawesomersace @crashwong ...what's wrong with being slutty?@usmantm :)@Iagreewithjoe @usmantm Google Translate is your friend. :) https://t.co/QZcTcuZxh7@deeRealCarew ;)TONIGHT, AT GYM Him: Tienes novio? Me: Tengo novios numerosos. No es palabra en Español para la cosa que soy. Him: http://t.co/BBOo7rsFnx@cruz_cambranes I HAVEN'T TAKEN THE QUIZ YET CRUZ BE PATIENTDon't talk to me about over-SEXUALIZATION because I will pull my pants down and pull out my tits and start screaming at the top of my lungs
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@fakedansavage Fundies of any religion are basically their own religion.off to the gym to have sixteen simultaneous dates with beautiful men conducted solely by eye contact@kristofferdiaz Do you know if judging remains blind through the entire process?POP IT ON A HANDSTAND. POP IT UNDERWATER, POP UR PUSSY AT THE BASEBALL GAME. POP UR PUSSY ON A SUNDAY
Retweeted by Monica Byrne...and if I apply & don't get it, will never know if gender was factor in decision, bc American theatre = sexism without sexists #newplay...Or not bother, bc they've already demonstrated inattention to gender parity? #newplay Will yall apply, @TheKilroys13?So this is what it's like being a woman in theatre. Do I apply anyway, bc it's important for women to apply?... #newplay@RelentlessAPF: 2/8 women on selection committee, 1/8 artistic advisors, 0/3 board members. Feel far more skeptical abt my chances. #newplay@elnathan Oh! In that case, snarl and/or profess your love of Naipaul.omg areli just came in wearing black lipstick & all our lives are better @cocoacinnamon@amandapalmer @thesheds_1fox Whooaaaa that's a set of hot people.i am what it takes to make a mountain man leave his home@The_Adrift Yes! I do this too & pick small-but-big-enough tables I can take up. This was a shared table tho & they kept singing w/music@elnathan Might just be that you come across as friendly. Which would be a lovely thing.oh sweet loving god the painters are finally leaving so there will be no more earnest singing along to eric claptonAGGGHHH "IMMIGRANT SONG" IS PLAYING I NEED TO GO CONQUEST SOMETHINGChrist. Nothing focuses the mind like the realization that @newinquiry's pitch deadline is 5pm today, not 5pm tomorrow.@tommckearney Thanks!@crashwong it is the kind of thing i am so down with on paper but not in reality, it seemsyour activity....is just....a little bit.....big.....for this spacewish i were the kind of person who was cool w/ the painters who've taken over shared table in coffeeshop & are singing along to janis joplin@crashwong Oh shit. Can you get/afford a hotel room nearby? Even a few hours of rest and quiet does wonders.sometimes my to-do list feels like climbing up junk pile in the garbage compactor on the death star "GET ON TOP OF IT" "I"M TRYING"Stanford rapist banished from college and campus. Exactly as it should be everywhere it happens. http://t.co/CEUTKsBRzU@kristofferdiaz Doing it.@EmilyGould I've been waiting for that to happen! I would ask them how they like it and hope they don't recognize me.ugh I miss [redacted]@aiabx LOL. Good guess.@monicabyrne13 Your book is clearly about next-level hot dog toppings
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@monicabyrne13 There really needs to be an "unclassifiable" section in the bookstore. I'd spend all my time there.
Retweeted by Monica ByrneNice, @bust_magazine. http://t.co/VKjSjMDqT8@alliemullin Boodle box.Is it literary fiction? Is it science fiction? Is is magical realism? Is it a thriller? An adventure? IT IS WHAT IT IS #TheGirlintheRoadYOU CANNOT CLASSIFY #TheGirlintheRoad. Do not try. YOU WILL FAIL.@Tylertas Thank you. :)New glasses for the first time in eight years. 😍 http://t.co/9rFyd98oNC@damiengwalter @ian_sales feyyyyyyyyyyyyd
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2015
@playwrightsteve ssssshhHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DASSA SEKRIT@Cdbrow1 Watching the movie. It's extremely good.ok now for (1) ibuprofen (2) malcolm x (3) sleepytime teaIt may be possible for this obituary in The Australian to have a more offensive opening & tone. I can't imagine how. http://t.co/61XWHTiCa1
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@mrtwilight23 sí sí among other thingsPROTEIN @C_Mac GAINZi just downed two hardboiled eggs after giving them explicit instructions to assist in repairing the biceps i just tore the fuck up tonight@purp :)@doctorogres we at least pretend to@rajkashana That's like hating humanity.@rajkashana Also, WHO HATES INDIA!?@DrPaisley the terms of that social contract is what i'm trying to imagine, for artists@DrPaisley because being a public figure is a kind of social contract, in my mind@rajkashana Totally! I found that out and was like, ahhhh, faaaaack.@usmantm Indeed! And Hafez too ;)@usmantm Also fundie Zionism. I just can't with that.@usmantm Accchhhh shit. Yeah. We all have dealbreakers & that'd be one for me, too.and you know, i think i'll always find something else to read first.....for as long as i live....and they've stayed there for, oh, the last five yearsfound out vs naipaul was straight-up misogynist.......was still going to read his books but......they kind of went to the bottom of the pilei dunno sometimes i find out artists do shitty things behind closed doors and i don't care other times i very much careshould we hold artists to a higher moral standard, like politicians@Tylertas work in progress, man *pops collar*@vanbadham @David_Dobbs WHAT. You should be ashamed, @australian! Jesus Christ!in case you were wondering what i aspire to it is (1) sandra bullock's arms in gravity (2) michelle obama's arms in lifeive been annoyed ever since i was born
Retweeted by Monica Byrnecome for the nudity stay for the vanity #byrne2015said arm(s) http://t.co/uq94nZHnOwdaaaaang my arms are getting jacked my goal is to arm-wrestle a man in every country in the world i just made that up but it's real now@Pacz_Tours QUIERO LA CUEVAAAAAAAAActun Tunichil Muknal or ATM Cave famous creepy cave in Belize, see tour details http://t.co/oGW0gj1AxJ #Belize #ATM_cave #sanignaciobelize
Retweeted by Monica ByrneKeeping a blood capsule in my mouth for the next guy who tells me to smile.
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@pedestrian True, it doesn't. Barbecue sometimes. Not gasoline.pics or it didn't happen pics or it doesn't exist pics or you don't exist@pedestrian Shitty weather in Durham, too, so I hear you. Am having sweet potato with butter and honey right now.@pedestrian oh staaahhhhhhhp.@kitchenmage @methodquarterly The Girl in the Road has often been compared to @MargaretAtwood's work, which delights me.@kitchenmage @methodquarterly @MargaretAtwood It is indeed. I'm honored.The truth about "political correctness" is that it doesn't actually exist http://t.co/Xp7OTaK4SE via @amandataub
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@connerk Not really. ;)nobody i repeat NOBODY in my life is helping with the poor impulse control issue i have today #mad #notmad@zackwagman @aiabx I mean a BOOK, ZACK lol@aiabx Good idea. Yes, @zackwagman?@drmagoo Oh dear. BLESS.@helenewecker It just makes me wonder what massive Thing we're missing, whenever we write about the future... :)@ferretthimself Only a bit, and predictably so. The kind of pain you get used to.@ferretthimself :)@helenewecker That's one thing I always notice on TNG. "You didn't know your mother was coming aboard at Starbase 342? She didn't FB you!?"I want to see the Facebook conversations of the moms of the USS Enterprise.
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@monicabyrne13 that would be pretty impressive. I guess it depends on what kind of people come to your book release parties. ;)
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@JoeBrewing Negotiating, yes. But they're not going to happen at the same time. If they did, that'd be amazing.at the moment am negotiating (1) a book release party, (2) an eyebrow wax appointment, (3) a threesome #writerslife@missykalliope @mouserobot Whoa, never heard of it. Thanks! I'm looking now....dark avatar, dark mood http://t.co/u0CzB3Bs8x@helenewecker @theincomparable Right? It's really beautiful.@usmantm Pitch @sstoloff. :)
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2015
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